My favourite story of the day: news from Italy that Inter Milan have been ordered to pay “existential damages” to a fan who was offended by Inter supporters’ chants and banners describing Naples as the “sewer of Italy”.
Inter must stump up €1,500 after the fan was left ”indignant and deeply hurt” by the chants, during Napoli’s 2-1 defeat there, presumably having had his meaning and essence in life challenged by the home fan’s crude messages.
While I think there’s hardly enough Nietzsche in the game these days, let’s hope that such litigation never reaches these shores, where many of m’colleagues could be bankrupted for their taunts; describing Crystal Palace as “a small town in Millwall”, for instance, or damning Luton Town’s “shit ground, no fans”.
Plymouth boss Paul Sturrock, too, should offer up thanks that British courts have yet to acknowledge the problem of post-traumatic existential angst, following his ill-judged remarks (Video on YouTube) to some Dundee United fans at the weekend.
After a pre-season friendly between his Plymouth side and United, Sturrock greeted the adoring visiting fans with a low bow, before wishing them – over the PA system – all the best for the coming season.
“And,” he added to huge cheers, “make sure you beat those Scumdee bastards the next time you play them.”
The inevitable disappointment and offense felt by Scu- sorry, Dundee officials was duly recorded by a passing Daily Record scribe, who gently patted the shoulder of club chief executive Dave MacKinnon as he sniffed: “It is ill-advised to make a comment like that but it is a matter for Paul Sturrock to explain why he said those things in public.
“It was obviously a mistake and clearly defamatory. If he is man enough to come out and apologise to the fans for the statement, I am sure the matter will be put to bed but that is entirely up to him.”
While I would never want to question the validity of MacKinnon’s grief – not for a moment – I, for one, hope no apology is forthcoming, lest we look back on these days as the start of a slippery slope to a litigious hell.
Think, after all, of the sums that could change hand after an Old Firm game in Scotland, where paying punters aren’t known to hold back in their attempts to existentially disrupt one another – repeatedly and violently – before, during and after each game. Chaos could ensue; we might witness the bankrupting of both clubs, as they are forced to hand all their assets, payout by payout, to rival fans too distraught to do anything other than seek pecuniary compensation for their loss of self.
Those might be bright times, perhaps, for philosophy, but surely the darkest of nights for our national sport.
