‘Tis the season when stories, generally, begin with references to Christmas carols, and jaded hacks trundle out top ten lists which, after a decent two-bottler lunch, are substantially easier to compile than actual acts of journalism.
It’s a little known fact* that, to save money, all top ten lists are derived from the same memo of half-formed thoughts from a senior, pooled, global futurologist. This list is distributed via “email” by the futurologist’s faithful assistant, known only as Bev, and then honed by talented editors into the pieces we enjoy and link to between Christmas and New Year.
This centralized process ensures a credible, core uniformity to all predictions, with eccentric twists in presentation and tone.*
Completetosh.com has had this year’s master list leaked to it by an insider.* After careful consideration of our public service duties, we’ve decided to publish it all, thus saving you, the jaded reader, from having to read all the finished pieces. You can thank us later.
Speaking of which, a commenting facility is also available for those of you who, still fired up on too much festive mulled wine and the irritation of visiting family, want to have an ill-considered rant. Or a festive unmulled whine, as it were. Help yourself. Put the cork back in when you’re done.
* Not true.
2011 Predictions List
From: [Name redacted]
To: Predictions List Subscribers
Date: 24/12/10 19:43
Greetings from the future, friends. This year’s list is truly a paradigm shifting re-think of the global er… ah.. zeitgeist [Actually: Bev - could you fill this in? Usual stuff.]
1. The desperate-attempt-at-a-newsy-angle Wikileaks prediction: Ah – changes everything, end of the journalistic middleman except for now, new era of openness, impossible now to keep secrets secret, geeks inherit the earth, what about that guy Assange though, &tc.
2. The wild extrapolation from a single fact prediction: The end of social media! A newspaper got rid of its social media editor, so that’s that then. Death to social media consultants!
3. The last-year’s-facts-as-next-year’s-trend prediction: The rise of social media! Twitter huge valuation it’s all on the up never so big. Hire a social media consultant / poet / facilitator today. [Note to ed: 2 and 3 may appear to contradict. You just don't get it! Keep them apart in the final list.]
4. Location! Location! Location!: [Bev: Can we get a picture of Kirstie Alsopp here? Thanks.] Something about Foursquare, right? Or Facebook. Check in, check it out. Brilliant.
5. Death of… the foreign correspondent / sub editor / web editor / news editor: cuts, cuts, cuts. Recession. Chill of the austerity era. Or mainstreaming of the future. I forget.
6. Tablets: just huge. Massive. Truly. Or quite small – Apple’s bound to do a 7″ one. And didn’t Samsung do one as well? Or was it Sony? They made my hifi, you know. Very nice. Apps make people appy. And they’ll buy them! With money! Which reminds me:
7. Paywalls: Ah yes, money. [Bev: can we just take last year's one again? Something about the WSJ and FT? I'm sure I did something on it for the Business Models Of The Future Convention in Cancun in '08.]
8. Curation: it’s all about the social curation of the news graph. And weaving. Definitely weaving. People. Into the fabric of news itself.
9. It’s the Year of Mobile! Yes, definitely this year. It’s going to come to the fore, take center stage, step on to the front foot. Apple dominant, Android invasion, HTC? Nokia – hmm, huge but flawed, hmm. They should give up / use Andriod! / go it alone. And definitely do it decisively.
10. Death of the blog: It’s all the Twitter, now, which is microblogging [can we get a picture of Stephen Fry? With a scarf on?], but nobody wants to read long pieces now. Or did we do this in 2006? I forget. Or maybe this one should be the far out prediction about telling news through social gaming or somesuch? Or TVs? With the Internet on, not actual telly? Whatever.
End with cliched, Private Eye-style…
[That's enough predictions -- Ed]