Complete Tosh.com

The debate about the number of English players playing for English clubs, which I joined last week over on GU Sports blog, rumbles on. I think more English players need to be exposed to top-flight football – the Premiership and Champions’ League – if they’re to develop into top-flight players. But Today, Simon Kuper writes an interesting piece in the FT which takes the opposite view.

“In short: anyone saying that England failed last month because the English Premier League is overrun by foreign players should recognise that English soccer has a constant, possibly eternal, problem: its lack of intelligence. The second problem is not that too few Englishmen play in the Premier League, but that too many do. [...] one could say that Englishmen get “only” 37 per cent of playing time in the Premier League. Or one could say they get a massive 37 per cent, more than any other nationality in what is arguably the world’s toughest league.”

Which is an interesting argument, but one that misses the point. The debate at the moment is around how to improve English national football, not its league. Yes, you could argue English (British) football isn’t intelligent, but the best way to make it intelligent is to expose more players and coaches to top-flight competition where their shortcomings will be exposed, so they learn. If clubs can immunise themselves from the crisis of footballing intelligence by importing the smarts, the crisis remains, but is exposed only when England take to the field.

I’m also not convinced by Kuper’s argument that English footballers are more tired than counterparts because of the excellence of the league in which they play; the number of games in the Premiership – kept high to boost revenues and maintain a cosy mid-table existance for the majority of sides in the league – means they’re more likely to be tired. It can’t help, either, that British sides tend to rely on physicality and high-tempo to beat more technically competent opponents.

But then our arguments start to come together. Yes, the English game is entertaining, but not particularly smart…

“English players are typically raised not to think about soccer. The English game follows an old-fashioned military model: managers command, players obey. Mr Eriksson discovered this in his pre-match chats with individual players. After outlining the opposition’s tactics in the player’s zone of the field, he would ask: “What would you do?” Often players would reply: “I don’t know. You’re the boss, Boss.””

Which is a slightly depressing story, given the likely salary of the person Eriksson was talking to. And, unfortunately, it’s a stupidity about the game reflected in a great deal of the print and broadcast coverage of the game (although clearly not by anyone I know).

We certainly agree that the next England manager shouldn’t be English.

“Mr McClaren and Mr Taylor both proved that being steeped in English soccer culture is a liability not an asset. Now England’s Football Association should turn up with a foreign manager, and say: “He’s not from here. That’s why we chose him.””

That’s one import which would make a lot of sense.

You won’t hear me arguing for restraint of trade very often, but in football’s case I think there are sound sporting reasons for a quota on imported players. I’m blogging about it – and the amazing news, courtesy of m’old defensive partner Edinburgh Mike (thanks Mike!) that there were more Scottish players than English turning out in the Champions League this week, over on GU’s absurdly popular Sports blog…

[Update - 20/12/07 - Liverpool look like they're backing out of these plans, because they cost too much. Something much more conservative, I'm afraid, will likely be built in this stadium's place. Which is a shame. And something that makes much of the following pretty irrelevant.]I am, it may surprise you to learn, very excited by Liverpool’s stadium plans, unveiled today.I’m not a scouser, obviously. But one of my dirty secrets is my obsession with football grounds – Simon Inglis’s Football Grounds of Britain is one of my most-thumbed books. It comes, partly, from being a Rangers fan; Bluenoses are unusually proud of Ibrox Stadium, rebuilt with fans’ cash in the late 1970s and early 80s after the horrific second Ibrox disaster.For a long time, the Glasgow ground’s rectangular and all-seated stands (only the boisterous East and West Enclosures were terraced, until the 90s) stood alone in British football, three great and very modern buildings alongside the listed and distinguished Archibald Leich-designed Main Stand. They were in stark contrast to the windswept, slummy conditions other fans had to endure. Even now, with the great English grounds rebuilt, Ibrox is singularly impressive and intimidating, even when the team that plays there isn’t. (Ibrox is modelled on Borussia Dortmund’s Westfalenstadion, another ground famed for its atmosphere).Not all clubs are so lucky, or careful. A decade’s rebuilding of British grounds has, generally, led to a loss of history and atmosphere. Many stadia, especially in the lower leagues which I travel these days, look like they were assembled from components issued free in cereal packets. Gone are the slightly random collections of archetectural styles and scale; the huge stands built during league glory, the newer rickety roofs added when langiushing in League Two. Now it’s all rectangular, pragmatic breeze block and plastic and a club shop in the corner. Stadiums that say: I know my place.Even top flight grounds often look very similar; where, once, you could tell where a televised game was coming from by the shape of the running track or the design of a balcony front, it takes a Sky infographic to distinguish between the Reebock and the Riverside. The new Wembley, or the Emirates, or Stamford Bridge, may have scale but all seem a little disappointing, like film sets where you can see the joins.Which brings us to Liverpool’s new ground, due to be built near Anfield in Stanley Park. I’d expected just another bowl, or just another rectangular effort, with lots of red seats and the sponsor’s name picked out in white. What we’ve been given… well, a bit extraordinary.It’s angular. It nods – no, bows – to the existing ground with a huge, single tier Kop that holds 18,000 in one sweep. And it’s asymmetric. Massively asymmetric. They’ve actually gone out their way to create a ground that looks like it’s been built up over years, stand by stand, improvement by improvement.

“The asymmetric design sets it apart from other new stadia, as it is aclear move away from what is becoming the traditional bowl model. Itrecognises and makes reference to the fact that English footballgrounds were historically asymmetric. We make no apologies for that,we’ve gone out of our way to embrace that culture and it works exceptionally well for both the new ground and its location withinStanley Park. This new design will be unmistakably Liverpool andinstantly recognisable as our stadium.”– Rick Parry, Liverpool Chief Executive

Bits of stands appear to cut into others. Huge glass corners mean that, standing outside, you can see across the pitch to the opposite end – just like the piecemeal stadiums of old. Instead of trying one grand statement – like a giant archway, or just sheer scale – it’s making lots of small statements, or none at all. It’s so odd-looking it appears the computer modelling has struggled to render it accurately.In short, I’ve no idea if it will be a mess, or utterly, utterly brilliant. All I’m sure of is that it’ll be the most interesting football stadium built in Britain since… ooh, the early 1980s. And, for once, I’m rather looking forward to this new ground opening.

… was scored in a game that didn’t involve any Scotsmen. What do you mean you’re not surprised?

For your viewing pleasure tonight, here’s Zinedine Zidan’s goal for Real Madrid against Leverkusen in the 2002 Champions League final. The version above is complete with ITV commentary – remarkably, there are no references to "that glorious night in Spain in 1999" in the clip – but there is Ron Atkinson, alas. I was reminded of it by the UEFA Cup final at the grand old Glasgow ground tonight, shockingly relegated to ITV4 because there are no British clubs involved. Really, ITV shouldn’t be allowed football.

For a version with wonderful Spanish (radio) commentary, but shitty picture quality, try this. Commentator starts shouting "goal, goal, goal" and hyperventilating; his co-commentator is up to something in the background, we feel certain.