On French football

Smicerlens_1 Reflections on watching French football, in France

1/ It’s Lens vs St Etienne. I am, marginally, rooting for Lens, as they are wearing a strip that’s lot like Partick Thistle’s. I’m not a Thistle fan – few Glaswegians are – but it seems as rational
a reason to adopt a side as any. And certainly more rational than
adopting Thistle themselves.

You can see a youthful Vlad Smicer modelling a late 90s version of their top on the right. Little did he know he would later go on to disappoint for Liverpool for several seasons, before scoring twice in a Champions League Cup final victory… and finally being sold. To Bordeaux. It’s a funny old game, but not very funny.

2/ Also, Lens went through quite the most meticulous warm-up I’ve ever seen. It hasn’t made any discernable difference to the match, but I did admire the precision of their running, jumping and passing exercises. I see where Arsene gets it from now.

[Note, from Later: Lens win 2-1 - maybe it does make a difference. I'll need to send a tape to the County Ground.]

3/ The commentary is French, which isn’t a huge surprise here in France. What’s odd that much of it translates quite easily, even for someone whose French is somewhat sub-optimal. So – half volley translates as “demi volley”. The screamed “Look at that!” becomes one word - “Regardez!”.

Oddly, after a terrible miss, they shout – in accented English – “what a miss! What. A. Miss!”. Is this like our saying “sacrez bleu?”

4/ “Magnifique” is quite understandable and, helpfully, they say it quite a lot.

5/ The programme name, Le Grand Match, also translates very well, even for someone who shirked ordering in a MacDonalds tonight because he wasn’t too sure how the menu worked in French.

6/ Although there appears to be no direct counterpart to that bloke on Sky, football reporters here still talk for much longer than the players themselves. They are also much more intrusive; lots of snatched interviews in corridors, and live coverage of post-match rituals in the losing team’s changing room.